I have loved 
to love 
and be loved 
when I knew nothing of the word,
other than
it was safe 
and nourishing 
because it was as boundless as the sky
but I didn’t know 
it meant 
to lose myself 
everytime 

I am so empty 
still, 
trying to fill myself up 
with love 
for me 
and me only 
because who else will there be
besides me 
to pick up the pieces 
and glue them back together 
with my fingers covered in blood
if I have not 
lost myself by then 

And I’m starting to think 
that this crucial love 
stays 
though it might not show up everyday
like the clouds, 
it might hide in the little 
crevasses 
it still 
stays
to knit the absence 
over and over 
again 

so this love 
I will cultivate 
to beam as strong as the sun
so that 
even when 
I have shattered 
so, 
so horribly 
I am glinting 
rainbows 
and I can stand 
on my bare feet 
with the strength 
to walk towards it again. 

---

Jade Butler is a Georgia-born writer and junior on summer vacation with plans to make writing her career.