have you ever wondered what it’s like to die? just watching your life play right before your very eyes, like the movie you’ve always loved since you were sixteen. hanging on to that last breath and contemplating whether every second that passes by is the right time for you to let go.
even if you don’t ever want to let go.
just like that february night in 2008. when you spent the night under the cloudy sky, playing hide-and-seek with the stars. dancing barefoot on the cold tiles of the hall while holding those four-inch stilettos that almost made your toes bleed. and the sound of your laughter would bounce across the walls. your vision clouds with the rose-colored memory of your rose-colored dress. hems stained with green from running across freshly-rained-on grass. hair glued all over your forehead as you bask under the feathered glow of the moonlight. as you looked over your shoulder.
the horizon. a mirage in the middle of an old city. and you couldn’t seem to take your eyes off of it.
just like that december night in 2011. when you first crossed paths with that beautiful stranger from out of town. mesmerizing eyes that blurs the existence of everything else. soft voice that caresses the deepest trenches of your soul. and his scent. oh God, his scent. that wild mixture of honey and musk and strawberry. so strong you could almost taste it – roll it all across your tongue like that candy you so loved when you were a child. intense magnetism drawing you closer and closer to him, and you knew you just want to glue your skins together.
as if forever exists. time just ticking eternally. the sun and moon switching places every several hours or so – without missing a second; without skipping a beat. seven billion routines overlapping, clashing together. forming a kaleidoscope made of rainbow-colored strings woven by fate. memories deeply-seated in your brain. vivid imagery formed like that 25-paged flip book you made when you were ten. it’s like it only happened yesterday.
just like that march afternoon in 2015. when you watched the bright red glow of the sun vanish over the vast ocean. overcast clouds above scattering its light. like a prism under white light.
you talked about music. the one thing binding your souls together, like two eighth notes played one after the other. his voice sounded like an obscure song you could never have heard before, but it somehow reminded you of home; your favorite song. piano and violin beautifully blending in the background. and then you heard the beat of the drums. or was that your heartbeat? you weren’t sure. your eyes didn’t even want to stay open anymore. likewise, you weren’t exactly sure whether those were fireworks you were seeing or just the random mix of colors dancing beneath your eyelids.
but there was one thing you knew for sure. the sun was already gone.
there’s just darkness. embracing you. you felt cold, yet warm at the same time. it felt like being cradled in the ice-cold arms of someone you once loved. that familiar sensation of safety. security. like you’d become immune to all pain.
the north wind blows. it sings you a gentle lullaby. you could feel your eyelids getting heavier with every second that passes. somehow; it was comforting.
just like that september evening in 2020. when you sat there under the velvet blanket of a sky. reminiscing the memories. of you. of him. taking in the icy breeze of the north wind. drifting softly.
until you finally fall asleep.
Gwyneth Bermejo is an eighteen-year-old university student from the Philippines.